Man after my own fart

IMG_7429As we gazed into each other’s eyes, Mr Match said the sweet words that every lady waits to hear…You’re the first girl I’ve ever farted in front of.” And just like that, I fell in love.

Bear with me. To let one rip in front of your partner really is something special. Booty belches are sacred. What if it’s crazy loud? What if it’s a super stinky one that burns your butt upon exit?? You never really know what will happen, and that’s why it’s so important that your partner accepts you for the butt trumpeting human that you are. Still not convinced? Here’s 4 reasons why you should reconsider.

  1. Farting does not discriminate. The average human breaks wind 14 times a day. That’s a lot of time to spend hiding a totally normal bodily function. Imagine if you didn’t have to leave the room to pass wind in private. Imagine how good life could be if you could relieve your gas AND stay on the couch in front of partner. #Bliss
  2. Farting creates intimacy. Screw romantic dates or flowers-true romance is about being your imperfect, gross self-and being loved for it, rather than in spite of.
  3. Farting is hilarious. There is honestly nothing funnier to me than a well timed toot. Having a domestic about who has to decide what’s for dinner? Fart. Need a sure fire way to cheer up your significant other? Fart. Feeling cranky that he got home late and is now snoozing peacefully in bed? Fart. Farts make everything better.
  4. Holding in farts can actually make you sick. I once went on a holiday with a boyfriend who I was too scared to fart in front of. We were trapped in a hotel room due to horrendous weather and I had zero privacy. After three days of butt clenching and breathing through the pain, I became so bloated that even my trackie dacks were uncomfortable. I eventually had to admit why I was in so much pain and ended up making the whole situation so much worse than if I had just…FARTED. Stop holding them in! You will end up tooting in your sleep which is always way worse.

Farts are only embarrassing if you let them be. Own your gas. Embrace your wind. Stop trying to be perfect and try being real instead. Your bowels will thank you for it…so will your relationship.

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